Fire November 20, 1997

It is amazing how your whole world can change in one day. That day for me was Sunday November 30, 1997. The most terrifying days sometimes start off the most pleasant. It was a gorgeous morning with the sun shining the temperature at 56 degrees, an extremely warm temperature for a November day in northwest Wisconsin. My family arrived back form church in high spirits. The morning had gone well. My sisters Emily, Carrie and I had been practicing for the Christmas show and after church we went grocery shopping and bough some pizzas for lunch.

I was 12 years old at the time. I had long blond hair, light brown eyes and s slim body. In my family there were seven of us. I had both my parents Holt and Carole Walker, my older brothers, Norman at 20, and Colin at 18; and my two younger sisters, Emily at 10 and Carrie at 7. We were all there that day, except Norman who lived in a town and hour away.

We came up the driveway, drove by the side of our home, turned around the light post in the middle of our yard and stopped in front of our house. As we got out of the van, Dad told us not to go in without carrying some groceries. All of us helped haul them onto the small deck in front of our door, and we prepared to bring them inside while chatting away about the events of the morning.

Our home was on an acre that used to be a farm. There were a couple ancient sheds, a pole barn that was rented out to a local farmer, a bunkhouse where our landlord would come to stay during hunting season, and a large gray barn that looked as if it would topple over with the slightest breeze. All the buildings were situated in a circle as though it were a wagon train preparing itself for an Indian attack. Our house was a typical old-fashioned farmhouse, white with green trim- badly in need of a paint job. It was somewhat like a haven from the outside world being seven miles from town and surrounded by the cornfields. It was a sanctuary that would soon cease to exist for us.

Colin and I walked to the front door and while balancing groceries one of us opened it. What met our eyes were gray walls where our white spotless walls had been, the smell that attacked our senses was so unlike the kind bond fires we were used to. All chatter within me stopped as I looked at the walls. The seconds of silence seemed like an eternity as I tried to register in my mind what was wrong. Suddenly I yelled out. “Mom, Dad, the walls are all gray!” The groceries were dropped as my parents and sisters ran to the door. Shock and horror spread across all of our faces as we looked inside.

“Oh, no what happened?” someone yelled. The comments after that were jumbled as we failed miserable to stay calm.

“It smells like smoke!”

“Could there be a fire inside?”

“This couldn’t have happened!”

“We need to figure out if the fire is still going on inside,” Dad stated logically. I felt the pit of my stomach twisting as I tried to get my emotions under control. We were all too shocked to cry; we just stood there like dead men. No emotions except horror showed on our faces.

Dad and Colin started to look around the outside of our home, trying to figure out what happened or was still happening without having to go inside. Mom, Emily, Carrie and I just stood there, gazing into the entryway. The entrance was small directly inside the door was a staircase that led to the basement and to the left was three stairs that led up to the kitchen. I could smell the smoke inside and heard a faint sound of water running.

Dad and Colin came back declaring that there was not any fire burning from what they could tell. They decided to go inside and open up some windows. I felt fear grip my heart. I did not want them to go inside, only to find out there still was something burning and have it be too late. Dad went in first going to check out the basement. As Colin started to go in, I caught his sleeve.

“Don’t go in Colin.” I said pleadingly.

“I have to Hillary. We have to get it aired out.” He replied.

“Be careful!” I yelled as he walked up the stairs to the kitchen.

The few minutes we waited for them to come back out felt like forever. I prayed silently, asking God to keep them safe. I looked up to the second floor, directly above our front deck was a solitary door where a deck used to be, but had fallen years ago. As my gaze shifted over the front of the house the door suddenly opened and Colin leaned out coughing trying to breathe some fresh air into his lungs.

“Are you ok?” one of us yelled up to him.

“Yes, I am.” He replied, “I’ll be right down.”

Dad and Colin both emerged out of the house, looking no worse for the wear; we prepared for their report. Dad, looking like a doctor preparing to give a severe diagnosis, started “The basement has a couple feet of water in it; I really don’t know how that happened. I am not even sure where the firs started. Nothing appears to be burned, but everything is covered in smoke soot, everything!” His face looked grave as he gave the last statement. Colin then gave and interesting report, “The garbage can in the kitchen melted into a blob of plastic!” that was so amusing we almost smiled, almost, but our circumstances were too dark at the moment.

After talking with Mom a second, Dad looked at Colin and said “Colin we need you to take the girls in the van and go to the neighbor’s house and call 911. Mom and I will stay here. Please call the Marsh’s too and tell them what happened.” The Marshs were friends from our church who lived about 6 miles away. Their two daughters Stasha and Carissa were friends of Emily and I.

We piled into the can and rove to our neighbor’s house down the road, about a mile away. We knocked on the door and explained our situation. They were very comforting and graciously let us use their phone. Colin called 911 and then our friends. I waited silently by the phone wondering how my friends would react to the news. Colin hung up and told us that they had invited us over if we wanted to come. I hoped that my other friend Joanna would be there, she was planning on visiting them that day.

We drove back to our home and waited outside for the firefighters to arrive. Slipping away form everyone, I went to our van, which Colin had parked out of the way so when the fire tricks arrived there would be enough room for them. Our can was a very old brown caravan that we had bought from a friend. It had a gloomy interior appearing even darker by my mood. I sat in the back seat, my gaze sweeping over inside, not really looking at anything in particular just thinking that these where the only possessions I had left in the world added to my grief. I gently took out my bible and held it to my chest. I could not contain the tears any longer, nor could my heart remain calm.

“Why did you let this happen God? Why?” I asked in a desperate voice. “I don’t understand! Did we do something wrong? Lord, I wish You would tell me. I wish I could understand.” My vision blurred as the tears started to come more freely. I knew I had no right to question God. I had learned that from an early age, but the questions still came. I could not contain the fears that welled up inside of me, or the sorrow of not knowing what to do. I was glad no one was there to see me cry. After a couple minutes my cries started to subside as I sat there looking at the roof of the van. “Please watch over us God,” I began to say, “Help us. We need you so much right now.”

The peace still did not come, but I somehow received some strength to go out and face what was happening. I wiped my face with my hands and stepped out of the van.

I went over and stood by Colin and my sisters, they were sitting on an old white car we had facing our house. The fire trucks started to arrive. One pulled all the way in front of our house and three more filled the driveway. Then like bees in a beehive, the firefighters swarmed the area going in and out of our house. We waited silently outside as they did their work. We sat on the car and watched the firemen in action, as though it was a movie or TV show, but not real life. None of us spoke except for and occasional sentence about the trucks or the firefighters, speaking about it seemed to make it too real, when all we wanted it to be was a dream.

Dad came over and told us that he and mom decided to have Colin take us over to the Marsh’s house so they could handle and the necessary arrangements that needed to be made. I was so relieved, I did not want to stay around and look at our house anymore it was too depressing I wanted to go and be with my friends, maybe they would add some brightness to my smoke colored day. Colin and us girls got into the van and drove to their home. As we pulled into their familiar driveway I felt a little weird. How would my friends react to this?

We stopped in front of their house, went up to the door, and walked inside without knocking; we knew we would be welcome. In a couple seconds our friends Stasha, Carissa and Joanna surrounded us. Their sympathy showed on their faces.

“Oh I’m so sorry!” Stasha told me as we hugged each other. We told them as much s we knew about the situation and they brought us girls into their bedroom. Colin stayed to talk to Stasha’s parents.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Joanna the loud one of our friends said rather gently.

“No.” I replied. My sisters appeared to have the same opinion as we sat down in their bedroom. My wonderful friends tried to cheer us up with games, and things to play with, but we couldn’t smile, no matter how hard we tried. We were sprawled on their pink carpet when it became quiet. My poor friends did not really know what to do with us. How do you talk to a friend when a part of their world has died? Whether it be a person, or like us a home. It did not help that my sisters and I did not want to be happy or cheered up. It was somewhat comforting to just wallow in our misery.

I finally couldn’t contain myself anymore and I started to cry, nothing dramatic just small tears that rolled slowly down my face. I looked to see Emily and Carrie starting as well, as though they were taking their cue from me. “I am just so scared,” I told my friends, “what are we going to do?” where are we going to live?”

I then heard the words my dear friend Joanna that would forever be imprinted in my mind, whenever I thought about that day. She said in a soft voice, “Don’t worry Hillary; God will take care of you.” I realized the truth in her words, God would protect us. Just as He always had and always will. During the days of clean up and work that followed, I remembered those words. Keeping them in my heart, they gave me strength to endure all the hardships that came.

We found out later that His hand was already present and working in the circumstances of that day. The fire had started in the corner of our basement from faulty electrical wiring. The flames grew so hot that they melted a water pipe, which put out the fire before spreading anywhere else in the house. A friend in the building business later told us that no hear, except perhaps a blowtorch could not melt that kind of pipe.

After the fire we remembered that Colin had wanted to stay home that morning from church, he had worked late the night before and was tired. My parents however insisted that he come to church with us. I shudder now at the thought of what might have happened if Colin and slept in that morning. Could the smoke that was pumped through the house by our heating system have killed him? Was it God that made my parents insist that he come with? Was it God that increased the heat of the fire to such a magnitude that it would melt a pipe that was supposedly unable to be melted? I believe that God did do this for us. I no longer question why God let the fire happen to our family. If we had gone on to live our normal lives we would never had the courage to move to the city where we live now. I have had so many opportunities here in Minneapolis Minnesota, many that I would not have had at all living in a little town in Wisconsin. The number of close friends I have gained are without measure. The many ways that I have found new talents, learned more about myself, and learned more about God.

I suppose the worst day of my life was the day my life changed for the better. I can honestly say I would not go back and change it for the world!

The city was great, perhaps the greatest in all of the lands in all of the earth. But the glory was not given to who it was due, the glory due to the great king over the city. He was the heir to the city as his ancestors before him. Kings, priests and mighty men’s blood flowed through his veins. But he was not honored for the greatness of the city, the men of the city in fact believed that the glory was due to them. The told each other that they would tolerate the king, because someone needed to rule, and the king did not ask much of them. The taxes were low and the royal palace gave freely of its riches and the kingdom ran smoothly. So the people ignored the king and went on with their joy filled lives. But the king wanted more…

The king wanted communion with his people. When he was a young boy his father would tell of the days when the people would come into the palace with great joy. There would be parties and massive gatherings of people and the king would be the center of it all. It was this king’s great-grandfather, but the people forgot the love and greatness of its kings as the kingdom prospered and grew.

Those closest to the king, his advisors and his mighty men knew who really was the one that held the kingdom together; the men who carried out his summons and were the go-men to keep the kingdom running smoothly. They were fiercely loyal and their own hearts hurt at the rejection of the king by his own people.

Korah the head minister to the king and his most loyal friend perhaps knew more than anyone. He watched as problem after problem was brought before the king and the king always answered wisely and justly.

The young man sighed as he gazed out of his window. The sight before him was indeed glorious: towering building lined with gold, colors bright as crisp clear rainbow, lush vegetation, and through his mind’s eye he could see the smiles on the people’s faces and the laughter that followed them everywhere. Yet as he looked around his own room, yes even as he walked through his palace- it felt empty.

He put his head back against the plush velvet chair head and thought back to the stories his father would tell him, of the days when the people would come into the palace with great joy. There would be parties and massive gatherings of people and the king would be the center of it all. It was this man’s great-grandfather, but the people forgot the love and greatness of its kings as the kingdom prospered and grew.

To the whole world it was known as the city of the Great King. It sat on a great mountain and faced the north. The gates were golden and the city spanned a hundred miles. The mountain sat beside the sea and the international port brought ships from all around the world to trade. It was declared that there was not anyone more honest than the traders of the Great City, nor were the goods as high as quality than the ones you would receive there.

Amongst the mountains were valleys that flowed with a great river called Hiddekel that brought great minerals to the farmlands in the valleys. Flocks of sheep and cattle by the thousands and ten-thousands grazed in the fields. The lowliest farmer to the most prestigious banker lived in paradise. It was known as the joy of the whole earth because of it greatness and the riches therein.

Sketch

“Okay girls line up.”

Elaina and her friend Rainy stood in line with all of the other dancers.

The Madam continued. “Throughout all of the practice times and performances this month we will have the honor of Frederick Elwood from the royal palace.” The girls looked over and saw a large man with a gentle face.

“He is a close associate of the king who was sent to choose a young girl to dance for the Harvest Banquet. It is sure to be a large affair for the whole kingdom has been invited.”

Madam looked over at Frederick and smiled. He nodded back and attempted a halfhearted smile.

“He will now tell you what he is going to be looking for.” With a sweep of her hand she ushered him forward.

Frederick stood and straightened his jacket. “Thank you Madam.” He turned and faced the girls. His six foot four frame seemed to tower over them.

“I am not a dancer- obviously.” He stated, a couple snickers were heard at the end of the row. “So I am not going to be determining who is chosen only by skill. There will be numerous ways that I will pick the dancer; and you will find out as the month goes on. I will be glad to meet each of you personally. I am looking for a unique dancer who has a passion for what she does.”

He paused and looked carefully at the dancers. “The one thing to remember is that you will not be dancing for the whole kingdom- you will be dancing for the king. Which is an honor few can enjoy. If the kingdom judges you one-way, the king will judge you an entirely different way. Please keep that in mind. The king himself is the one who decided to have a solo dancer for the banquet. Also the one who is chosen will be solely responsible for picking and choreographing a song. I will of course view it before the banquet, but you will be mostly in control.”

He walked down the line of dancers. “For the first two weeks please pretend I am not here. It will be after that period that I will have any interaction with you. Thank you for your time.” He gave a small bow. The girls responded with a curtsy and walked back to their positions.

Frederick thanked Madam and walked to a chair in the corner and sat down.

“Yes I am sure we can pretend that he is not here.” Rainy whispered to Elaina.

“Come on Rain that won’t be hard.” Elaina whispered back. Her friend looked back at her with a raised eyebrow.

Madam clapped her hands to gain their attention, “Thank you girls, you may have a short break, but please stay in the room.” The girls looked over and noticed Madam go over to talk with Mr. Elwood.

All the dancers started talking excitingly to their friends.

Rainy came over and asked why thought it wouldn’t be hard to act like Mr. Elwood wasn’t there. With a small laugh Elaina said, “I am probably the worst dancer here and I've never done a solo. There is no way I will be picked. You might have a chance though.”

“I would love it. But why are you giving up on the idea? It's the largest festival of the year!” Rainy exclaimed with a flourish. “Wouldn’t you like to do something different for a change?” Rainy asked, wondering why her friend appeared not to care.

Elaina shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind meeting the king- I’ve never seen him before. But I am always dancing in front of a ton of people, that part is not very appealing.”

Rainy laughed, “You are the worst kind of dancer.”

“What!” Elaina turned from her position to look at her friend. Not really believing what she said.’

“I mean,” Rainy said, “You are the worst, because you don’t like performing in front of people. Who’s ever heard of a dancer who doesn’t like to perform?”

Elaina laughed. “ I suppose you are right. At least you know that I won’t be competition for you. I know how you can be when you start to compete.”

Rainy smiled but then turned serious. “I really would like to dance for the festival. It could mean a lot for my dancing career, and you know how much I need the money.”

He Showed me

Lulu Macmillan lay on the ragged quilt quietly as the night became darker. The dark clouds threatened to pour buckets of water all over the Kansas landscape. She knew she was safe inside the brick house. The room was dark, but the lamp light on the street shone in through the window reflecting off the golden hair spread across her pillow. How long had she been lying here? She didn’t know.

For the last 2 and a half months around 8:30 she would help her boys get ready for bed, while the we brushing their teeth she would go downstairs and check to make sure the doors were lock, the icebox closed, and unplug the iron. Then at 9:00pm she would tuck her three little boys into their beds, after walking through the door that divided their bedrooms she would go to the bathroom and get ready for bed. She would then read couple chapters in her bible while sitting on her bed, then lie down and pray to God. Although the schedule was the same, every night she would lose track of time, not knowing if it had been an hour or even three.

She asked Him many things while she lay there. One prayer was for her little boys, that they would grow up prosperous, with better lives than they had now. They lived in a house with a wealthy family, and in exchange for room and board for her and her sons she cooked, cleaned, and on occasion watched the family’s children. She acquired the job after being hired on temporarily by Mrs. Baxter to help with a large party she was giving. After seeing her diligence, and perhaps pitying her somewhat, she offered Lulu a job. It was an incredible blessing at this time and age; but she wanted better for her boys. She would also pray for the Baxter’s, partly because her livelihood depended on them, but also because she knew that they had given her more than she could ever work for.

More often than not at night she would lie awake for hours thinking about her past circumstances and praying that God would take away all the pain that lay within her heart. She always prayed that he would come back. But this cool May night she decided to finally face the facts. Except for God she was alone now. It was only her and three little boys. Oh God how will I make it? Where are you Lord? I feel so alone.

Two months ago in early April her husband Dale Macmillan disappeared from her life, and the lives of her boys. She tried to come up with a logical reason why he would leave. But no answers surfaced. She hurt so much, why did he leave? It was hardest facing the boys the first day after he had been missing. She had to tell her sons that their daddy never came home last night. There was more grief with each question of theirs,
“Where’s daddy?”
“Is he coming home today mommy?”
“I miss him mom.”
“Where’d he go mom?”
She tried to keep their hopes up as well as her own. But something in her spirit told her that he wouldn’t be coming back, she knew somehow that it was just she, the boys, and God.

She remembered the day after when she called the police and they came to her home. Lloyd Peterson and John Able were old friends of the Macmillan’s. So when they heard the news they were very sober.

After exchanging glances with each other, John said to her, “Lulu, I am sorry to say but we aren’t at all surprised that Dale is gone. He was hit pretty hard when you lost the house three months ago. He just wasn’t the same, we tried to help him, but he just seemed withdrawn from reality. I know you don’t want to believe the rumors, but being married to him, I would think that you would reach the same conclusion that everyone else has.” Lulu sighed after hearing John speak. She didn’t want to admit what she believed was true, “My husband wasn’t crazy.” She said stubbornly. Changing the subject she said, “ How long before I can file a missing person report?”

“24 hours,” Lloyd replied

“He was supposed to get home from work at 7:00pm, so now it has been 18 hours. Must you really wait that long?” she said. John nodded his head. “He might still come home Lulu, he was only gone overnight.”

“You know Dale, John. He always came home every night.” She said, not knowing if the information would give more hope that he would be home, or that he left for good.
“That was the old Dale, Lulu. The new one is crazy. You can’t say what he normally would do is what he would do now.”

Lulu’s anger flared. “Stop it John, Lloyd! You were his friends, how-how could you!” she jumped up from where she was sitting. “Leave!” she ordered them, pointing to the doorway. But they didn’t move from where they were standing.
“Settle down Lulu, I know it’s hard. But you must face the facts.” John pleaded with her, “I remember one day we found him singing lullabies at the park, is that normal? Is that the actions of a sane man?” Lulu ignored that statement, knowing other things that Dale had done which were equally as weird as that, but she wouldn’t say them now.

“As you said before, he might still come home.” She said, opening the door for them
“And as you said, he always comes home every night. So he must not have intended to come home at all today.” John said.

“Good bye John, bye Lloyd, I’ll be asking for your help if he doesn’t come home.” Her eyes filled with tears, but she kept them from falling down her cheek. Both officers respected her for her strength, but they wondered if it would hold after a few months.

“We’ll be here Lulu, if you need anything don’t hesitate to call.” Lulu felt the statement was meant for more than just today. The walked out the door and she shut it slowly behind them. Never feeling so alone she leaned against the closed door and cried.

Dale didn’t arrive home that day. Lulu went to the police station, and after a report was filed the police began their search. It was a small search at that; the Police force was not very good in the recent years. Because of the Depression many of the police were laid off, so an adequate search for a husband whom everyone believed was insane really didn’t come to the top of the list of important things to see to. John and Lloyd tried their best searching for him, but neither could find anything. Lulu tried doing it on her own by putting posters up and asking around in near by towns, but even putting up posters in the larger city of Topeka did not help. Dale Macmillan seemed to have disappeared into thin air.

The people of the small town didn’t help her sorrow. Dale leaving seemed to confirm the small town gossips of the rumors that surfaced before he left. Dale was insane they said, completely daffy. The Great Depression had many men with families trying with all their might to hold some ends together. Dale Macmillan was one of millions who tried. He sank into his own depression, as the fight to keep a roof over his family’s head was almost lost. In two years the Depression changed him completely until Lulu could hardly recognize the man she married. His smile that used to stretch up to his eyes, the way he would laugh and wiggle his ears at her, it was all gone. Instead of the man she married a stranger was there. Their happy and joyous marriage was over.

She had to admit she also wondered about his sanity. While struggling, he didn’t pay any attention to their boys. The three young boys used to be the apple of their father’s eye. He used to constantly be playing with them, talking to them, and teaching them thing, like how to make things with wood. They had made bookshelves, and other furniture for their home. But he hardly noticed their existence in the last months he was home.

It was after they lost their house that he began to act different, he gave up trying. Sometimes he was completely withdrawn. She would catch him staring off into the distance. Other times he just appeared to be confused with his surroundings, such as asking why the dresser was in the far corner when he was sure it was placed next to the doorway in their bedroom. She would answer him in a normal voice telling him that it had always been that way, and then secretly in her heart she would worry. These thoughts didn’t help her sleep at night now. What if he was insane, and was wandering around somewhere, all alone? She admitted that she wouldn’t hurt as much believing that he left while not in his right mind. Thinking that he left her while in his right mind---that was when the hurt really dug in.
Other rumors weren’t as pleasant as the insane theory. Whispers of other women, of Dale being too much of a coward to tough it out, talk that said she drove him away after they had lost their house. The most believed rumor was that he went away to kill himself. Lulu didn’t believe any of these, especially the latter. No matter how confused her husband may have become he wouldn’t take his life.
She turned over the double bed and touched the pillow next to her. It was clean and stiff. She hadn’t washed her sheets for three weeks after Dale left. The smell of his hair shampoo, and his body smells comforted her somewhat in the night when she still had the hope he would come home. She would take his pillow and hold it close to her chest, and remember the earlier years of their marriage where she would fall asleep in his arms.

But tonight the pillow was crisp and clean. She had removed all the remains of his smell long ago from her bed. It hurt too much to have the reminder there every night of him. She closed her eyes and imagined his face as it had been; he had dark brown eyes that filled his strong lines of his long face, his dark curly hair. The feature people most remembered were his ears. They shot out of the side of his head like signs waiting to be painted. He had teased her saying that that was his first feature that attracted her to him.

Silent tears rolled down her cheek as she prayed.
“Oh Lord, how am I to continue?” she whispered softly as though she were in a great cathedral instead of her own small room.
“Are you really there Lord? Or have you left me too?” She called out into the night.
“All I ask God is that you show me that You are really with me. That I am not completely alone in this.”
Her weariness after the long day of work finally caught up with her and she drifted off to sleep.

The next day after taking the pot of boiling hot water off the stove, Lulu made some tea and sat down at the breakfast table which was located right in the kitchen. It was ten in the morning, her time to relax. The Baxters always left the house around nine in the morning, the parents to their work and the kids to school. By nine she had everything cleaned up and could sit and drink her tea.

It was a beautiful morning. The temperature was around 70 degrees and the sun shining. She liked to sit at the breakfast table because she could look out the large window and watch her two youngest boys play in the large back yard. Johnny who was four years old, and Donald five were too young to go to school. Billy, seven years old, was the only one who went. Everyday the youngest two spent their time playing outside together.

This day they were playing in a sandbox located under a large oak tree, around the noon hour a large branch gave excellent shade to the two little boys. It was an extremely old tree, some of the large branches were dead, and leaves stopped growing on them. There was one particular branch that Mr. Baxter had talked of taking down. It was about as tall and as wide as Johnny who was 3 feet tall. She sometimes worried that is could fall on the kids for it was located directly above the sandbox. Mr. Baxter promised he would get someone to cut it down. He hadn’t yet though. It sort of was the story of the whole place, he wanted to do improvements, but couldn’t because he didn’t have the time.

She thought it amazing how serious the two boys were with what they were doing in the sandbox, as though it was the most important job in the world. Donny on his knees carefully made little houses using small kitchen bowls for molds. Johnny used a stick to make roads. She could see that the sandbox was almost entirely full of their “town”.

She sat there and watched them play. The depression she had last night seemed to be a dream. The day was too bright, too beautiful, how could she ever doubt God? She knew how, exactly how her husband had doubted. When the hardships came, one always had the same choices. You either held on to your faith praising God as Job in the bible did. Or turn your back on Him and blame Him for your troubles. She had thought the easy route was to keep her faith in God, but when the “why” questions rose, her mind was a battlefield. She thought about the way her family had been taken cared of. The position she had here at the Baxter house, was a position any women these days would give anything to have. She knew that should be enough to prove to herself that God was watching out for her. But doubts still came, the “what ifs” still penetrated her mind.

“Oh God” she said as she tried to straighten out her thinking.
Her thoughts were interrupted, “Momma, momma!” Johnny ran through the house yelling.
“John,” she said in a stern voice, when he arrived in front of her “how many times have I told you not to run in the house?”
“A lot of times, but its important.” He said, while grabbing her hand.
“Come look at our town, we almost filled the whole sand box.”
“I can see it from here Johnny.”
“Yes, but its better seeing close. Please mom?” his little brown eyes pleaded with her.
“Okay, I’m coming.” She said ruffling his dark brown hair. Smiling at his excitement she set her tea aside and walked to the side door that led to the back yard.
“Here she comes Donny,” Johnny said.
Donald looked up from where he was sitting. “Mom, look isn’t this neat?”
He pointed to the middle of the sandbox, “That’s where the town hall is. Over there is the gas station.” He pointed to one of the corners. “And here is our house. Not this house with the Baxter’s, but our old house with dad. Its sort of small, but that house was small.”

Lulu smiled at him, he always remembered his dad. Looking over their creation she marveled at the detail they had accomplished. They had gathered grass to make lawns, had little stick people standing around. The grocery, and the butchery were there, all the streets. What she admired most was the small church. They had taken two twigs and tied them together into a little cross that was poked into the top of the sand mold.
“It’s wonderful boys, I love it.” She said. The two little boys’ faces spread into smiles. They loved her so much. She was all they had now. Her praise meant the world to them.

“Well it looks like you have some more space to fill up boys.” She said, indicating the two-square foot spot behind each of them, and the spot underneath them. It was a large sandbox, 7x7 feet. She was amazed that they had almost covered the whole area.
“Oh yeah, there’s still a lot of town we can put in there. Don’t worry mom we’ll keep doing it.” Johnny said in a serious voice.
“Okay. I think I’ll go over to the garden and start pulling some weeds, tell me when you’re finished, and I will come and inspect.”
“Come on Johnny we should hurry.” Donald said, sitting back down into the sand.

Lulu walked over to the vegetable garden located underneath the window of the kitchen. There weren’t any vegetables yet, for they had just finished planting the seeds last week. The early spring sure didn’t stop the weeds from growing. After weeding awhile she looked back to the boys and watched them. It was wonderful that they were so happy. “Thank You God, for my boys. I don’t know how I would go on without them.” She prayed. She saw that they finished everything but the ground beneath them, so they jumped out of the box and started on that part.

She started weeding again, the sun’s rays on her back felt good. She looked up to see where the sun was, wondering if it was close to lunchtime or not. The large oak tree blocked some of her view; the sun was shining over the large branch. Her eyes focused on the branch, it looked different somehow. It looked like it was bending downward. Thinking she must be seeing things she went back to weeding.

A couple seconds later she heard a CRACK! She stopped weeding. For some reason looked up only to see the branch directly above the sandbox fall, plummeting toward the earth. “No!” she cried. Donald and Johnny looked when they heard their mother’s cry. Seconds seemed as hours as she watched the branch fall toward her sons.

“Oh God no!” she yelled dropping to her knees. A loud crash, and two screams erupted. She closed her eyes, wanting it to go away. She started crying, she not opening her eyes, too afraid of what might be in front of her. She felt little hands touch her, and she looked up. Donald and Johnny were there, right beside her. Lulu couldn’t begin to describe her relief. It felt as though a thousand pound weight had been thrown on her and then been taken as quickly off as it had been put on.

“Oh my boys, my boys.” She cried as she hugged them close. She looked into their eyes, they were crying also. Finally she gazed over at the sandbox. The large branch lay right in the middle of the sandbox directly over the area where her sons had been sitting before they had jumped out of the sandbox.
“Oh God,” If they had gotten out just a little later... She didn’t want to think about the result that could have been.
“Momma,” Johnny said between cries, “It wrecked our town.”
“I know Johnny, but you can always rebuild. You can always start new.”
“Mom I don’t want to start again, I like the old town better. I don’t think we can do it as good.” Donald told her,
“It’s always hard to start something new when something you loved and worked hard for is gone, but God always wants us to keep going and never quit.” She paused realizing how much her words could mean for her own life. She needed to start fresh without looking back at what had been with Dale. Instead she must look to the future and never quit.

It was so close- so close to having another half of her family gone. “Oh God thank you. I asked You to show me that we were with me, watching over my family. I’m so sorry that I doubted You.”

Don, Johnny and her walked over to the sandbox. The entire town was wrecked it looked like. Well Mr. Baxter won’t need someone to take down that branch anymore. They started breaking off braches and stacking them in a pile.
“Mommy look.” Johnny pointed to a part of the sandbox. Lulu walked close and looked down. Right next to the branch was the little sand church. Perfectly intact, with it’s little stick cross. Five stick people were standing outside. “That’s you, me, Donny, and Billy, mommy. See we aren’t wrecked at all.
If she needed anymore proof this certainly satisfied that.
“That’s right Johnny, we aren’t wrecked at all.” Lulu smiled.